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Martie Swanepoel blog: ‘n Jaar ná die ‘loony bin’

Ek spot self oor my tyd in die loony bin.

My skroewe het slytasie gekry van al die probeer oorleef tussen ‘n gesin en werk en ‘n hoop emosionele bagasie. En toe strip dit op ‘n dag en was daar geen vashouplek meer nie. Dit gaan lankal nie meer vir my oor hoe my skroewe los geraak het nie. Ek verwonder my eerder oor die krag waarmee ek hulle weer vas kon draai.

Net gister het ek weer besef hoe emosioneel slim ek geraak het. ‘n Windlawaai bel my en probeer my in ‘n situasie in boelie. Met my nuwe 20/20 visie oor sulke sake kon ek dadelik deur sy hele agenda sien.

“Nee, jong, jou plan A sal my nie pas nie. Plan B pas my beter.” Ek hoor hom snak na sy asem. “Okei…”

Sien? Dis maklik. Eerder as om soos voorheen te wroeg oor hoe ek hom gaan please, besluit ek toe, maar ek is nie lus om hom te please nie, want dit pas my nie! Ek het baie minder spanning vandat ek my mond oopmaak en nie meer ‘n push over is nie. Ek was te lank te nice met windbolle, egosentriese wesens en mense wat my lewe besmet het. My energie word uitgestort op mense wat dit waardeer en verdien.

Mens leer om jou lewe te vereenvoudig en te stroop. Skinderbekke, smartvrate, mense met ruim opinies …

Knip, knip, knip.

Ek het woes gesnoei.

Ek sit laasweek in die Kaap saam met my kollegas in ‘n restaurant. Ek kyk hulle so in die stilligheid deur. Ek is régtig lief vir elkeen van hulle. ‘n Paar van ons kom al bykans 25 jaar op dieselfde pad. Ons het saam gelag en gehuil oor so baie dinge. Hulle ken my hart en siel en vir hulle is ek okei. Ek het ‘n hand vol vriende wat my koester met al my geite en eksentriekhede. Mense wat nie van my verwag om entertaining te wees of om ‘n ego te poets nie. Hulle het my al op my beste en slegste gesien. En ook vir hulle is ek okei.

Dis sulke mense op wie my fokus deesdae val.

Hulle en my gesin, wat my van die grond af opgetel het en op die skouers gedra het deur ‘n aaklige tyd.

Met my nuwe super emosioneel-intelligente-visie sien ek nou sommer voor die tyd watter situasies ek moet vermy.

Daar is oor die 500 mense wat op Facebook onder my vriende tel. Nie almal is regtig vriende nie, dit weet ek goed. Dit ontstel my nie meer as ek besef iemand probeer my soos ‘n kitaar speel nie. Ek hoef mos nie haar tune te dans nie? Moet ek my verknies as iemand nie opreg is nie? Nee, dis haar saak. Wat belangrik is, is dat ek dit raaksien.

Dis hoekom mens moet delete.

‘n Hartelose, kwetsende, afbrekende aanmerking oor iemand of iets wat vir my saak maak en ek druk die delete-knoppie.

Wie gaan oorbly? Diegene wat saak maak!

Jy kan ander nie verander nie, maar jy het beheer oor jou eie kop. En my kop is darem deesdae so skerp en slim oor dié goed!

Ek het nie ‘n gevoellose selfgesentreerde mens geraak nie. Ek verdra net nie meer mense en situasies wat nie in my lewe hoort nie. Ek stort al die ekstra energie uit op mense en dinge wat my lewe verryk.

Die kosbares wat my onvoorwaardelik liefhet soos ek is en my nie wil gebruik, misbruik, boelie, manipuleer of wat ook al nie.

“Jy word ‘n kluisenaar,” kla ‘n kennis onlangs. Ja, ek trek maklik my hoë hek agter my toe. Maar in my hart het ek vrede. En daar is ‘n plek in my hart vir so baie mense wat dit verdien.

Ek is nie meer dieselfde mens as ‘n jaar gelede nie en ek is dankbaar daaroor.

  • marcia du pont

    Insiggewend, dankie

  • Tanya O’Connor

    Ek onthou nog ‘n aanmerking juis van ‘n deleted & blocked one . . . you showed them all! You made it girl and you always will! Jy gaan net van krag tot krag!

  • Bobette

    Briljant en eerlik geskryf! Dankie! As almal tot hierdie insigte kan kom!

  • Pragtig! Daar is ‘n klomp vroue wat nog die les moet leer, maar dis soms te seer, so hulle ploeter maar aan totdat die "strip" gebeur.

    Dankie vir jou mooi skrywe.

  • Rensche

    Stem saam, ek het net my vriende wat my waardeer, rugryers, skindertonge en mev. Vermaak of Me Beterwetend ek het nie plek in my dagboek of op my agenda nie, dit is hoekom ek ‘n handjie vol opregte vriendinne en kennisse het

  • Marguerite

    Dankie vir jou blogs – self lekker versteurd (bipolar maar al baie lank onder beheer) maar man – dis darem baie beter as om boring te moet wees 😉

  • Marguerite

    Dankie vir jou blogs – self lekker versteurd (bipolar maar al baie lank onder beheer) maar man – dis darem baie beter as om boring te moet wees 😉

  • Isabella Niehaus

    Ek lees so lekker aan al jou eerlikheid. Jy ‘n hel special mens Martie Swanepoel….weet dit and believe it!!! Hou die vinger op daai delete knoppe….dit maak plek vir ander amazing mense om in jou lewe in te stap. En moet nooit ophou om Martie te wees nie. Groooooot weskus druk. Bellarasie ( omdat bella se kop ook raas!!!!!)

  • KT

    Wanneer jy snoei kom die nuwe mooi botsels uit – ek dink om te se "nee" of "dit pas my nie" is definitief so lekker soos om jou bra uit te trek sodra jy by die huis kom na ‘n lang warm dag by die kantoor!

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