Elna Nel: Awakening: Overcoming side effects of christian spiritual abuse and walk to inner Freedom

After 6 years of spiritual abuse in a cult, 2 1/2 years of many losses myself and my family endured. The cult brought me at odds with my best Friend (Jesus Christ). It caused me to question, doubt and even run the other direction from my Source. I will be walking the Camino for two reasons, one to ‘bury’ the past, two for self-reflection/self-discovery. I would have never imagined myself taking on this journey alone, but I know AND understand why I must…. I’ve reached a time I need to re-assess, to reflect a little and decide what I’d like to do with the future. As a counselor I always care for other’s happiness before my own. Myself and my husband has been in community service from 2001, by starting a Summer Camp in SA. We worked with University’s, Schools, children in remission with cancer and many more. I did it without a single fuss or groan. It is always easy for me to make others smile, make them feel loved in their deepest depression and denial. I was there for advice and honesty. Did so much and didn’t ask anything in return. Always thought about life and has an urge to learn. I now know the darkness that depression bestows upon a person first hand. I have lived in its shadow for the last 3 years. I feel isolated in the darkness of my mind, exhausted from keeping a true side of myself hidden, feeling alone, thinking an end for life was the only escape from the pain, feeling hopeless and without a passion for life. I know now that I need “freedom” to get out and about to experience a strong emotion of life again. It took me a long time to accept that I am where I am but I need to trust in the love of friends, the world, to tell the truth and understand the truth of where I am. Spiritual abuse is a real phenomenon that actually happens inside as well as outside of the Body of Christ. Spiritual abuse (being trapped in a cult) for 6 years left very serious wounds on our family (husband / daughter / myself / and our marriage). People ask me: “Haven’t you got more than you need? What is wrong with your life then? I maybe may have more to be thankful for but I lost everything that made me be my inner self and inner happiness. Some people appear to be happy, but they don’t give the matter much thought. As long as people are busy doing (things/buying/ believe in something) they blunder on. I thought “I was happy” (betraying myself and friends through my eyes that I am happy). Most people will tell me they are fine, I’ve got everything I want, a family, a home, good health. I stopped in my life to ask myself “if that’s all there is to life?”. Through this time I tried to distract myself, to find a way of protecting myself from these tragedies. What is missing? By talking about my life, I came to the realization that most people have experienced the same thing. A man has ones said: “If we’re not alone then we have more strength to find out where we went wrong and to change direction.” I have never felt comfortable asking for money! However, this cause is very important to me. My video is on